Fossil Fuels to Run Out by 2016

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Waiting for fuel rations in Ripon

New information has come to light which shows that the worlds supply of fossil fuels will run out by 2016.

The worlds leading authority on global warming and environmental matters has today made this startling announcement. This is something that will change the way each one of us lives over the coming years according to government sources.

The energy secretary chaired a meeting of the emergency fuel committee last night, he had this to say to the concerned public, “We are now forced into desperate measures to preserve our fuel quota past 2016.” When tackled as to what these measures might be, he told NewsBeat, “From Friday 1st November a new fuel rationing scheme will be introduced. This will give every household 2 gallons of petrol, 2 hours of gas use, 4.5 hours of electricity use and 1 level teaspoon of vegetable oil per week.” He went on to add, “People will also be required to install new recycling toilets, these are designed to use the emissions that gastric waste matter produce to generate electricity.”

NewsBeat asked a presenter from a top motoring show what he thought, angrily he said, “How can they possibly know, all these scare stories, they don’t know what they are talking about. It’s crazy to make us all go back to rationing like they had in the War of the Roses.” He also added, “arses” but we are unsure if this is a comment about the announcement or a bit of tourette’s.

The 2016 date is in stark contrast to the original estimate of a 2088 date. Worryingly it looks like hippy’s and tree-huggers were correct after all.

Times of hardship are upon the world right now. We don’t yet know what will happen when fossil fuels have run out, as soon as news comes our way, you will be the second to find out.

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